And the Sting of Secrets
by abstractwords
Summary: Jacob held on to the secret of his tattoo until he revealed it in the battle with Apep. When Cassandra is angry with him for not confiding in them about it, Jacob struggles to find a way to make things right.


Jacob rolled up the sleeve of his plaid shirt and ran his fingers along the magical tattoo. The marks weren't raised in a scab as fresh ink normally is, they were smooth on his skin, as if they had always been a part of him. Another man might have been proud of the gift that he was given from the staff in Shangri-La. But Jacob didn't ask for this. He didn't want it. Magic was dangerous. The thought of the power that might come from this made him shiver in the joints between his bones.

The knowledge in his head, the knowledge that he had spent decades acquiring, that was his gift in life. He had scoured books and journal articles and had been able to use all of that knowledge to help his friends. To help save the world.

And everything he had learned in Shangri-La from the Monkey King, that all meant everything to him, and would help him in the battle yet to come.

But magic? Magic he hadn't studied. It wasn't something he understood, and he didn't trust it. Throwing an armful of tattoos at him without his permission was not the way to convince him otherwise.

Jacob heard a rustling of paper and the echo of footsteps, and he pulled his sleeve down, adjusting the cuff, not wanting to show anyone, not yet. He would have to take the time to study it, to find out what it meant, and what he could do. Surely the library, in all its immense amount of books and artifacts, had some information he could use. Once he found out more, then he could confide in his friends about it. Until then, it was his secret to keep.

Later, post Apep battle...

"Jake," Cass called, rushing around a corner to catch up with Stone before he disappeared.

Jacob paused, not looking forward to the conversation he was about to have. He was pretty damn sure he knew what she was about to say. He turned, already trying to muster up an apologetic look in his blue eyes. Cassandra had frozen at the end of the hall, and he met her accusing stare.

"Hey Cass," he said, trying to include a slight smile in her direction and initiate a calm beginning to their conversation. He swallowed hard. He could read her well, and he knew by the look she was giving him that she was simmering with anger.

If Cassandra was excited about something, she would be bouncing over to him, head bobbling from side to side, prattling off equations. If she had cracked some case with her gift, her walk would be determined, but steady and slow towards him.

But here, in the hall now, she stood and glared after him, expecting that he should be the one to walk back to her. When he didn't immediately move, she started talking.

"What the hell was that in there?" she asked, motioning in the general direction of the library's centre.

"Cassie-"

"No, you don't get to talk yet, Jacob. You used magic in there, like it was nothing. You have been against using magic for years. You've been angry with me for months, ever since the crystal incident with the Frost Giants in Swedan." She could still picture his bulging eyes and popping vein when he had yelled at her in the closet.

"Cassie, I know-"

"No, Jake," she said waving her arm. Her lips curled down in a frown as her voice raised. "You don't get to suddenly pull up your sleeve, wave your arm and give someone a soul and think that that is okay. You can't just walk out of here and pretend that everything is normal. Or, that things are okay between us."

Jacob let her last words sting him. He broke away from her eyes and glanced down at his shoes. After all, he knew the comment was well deserved. He had stopped trying to interrupt, but now with a thick silence hanging between them, it seemed like Cassandra was waiting for a reply. He looked back at her and saw her staring at him, wanting him to make it right. He walked over to her.

"Cass, I didn't ask for this," he said, rolling up his sleeve and revealing the marks that had just given Apep a soul. This tattoo, it was given to me by the staff in Shangri-la. It was a gift, but, honestly Cass, I wanted it gone. Until a few minutes ago, I haven't done anything with it."

"Yes, you have Jake. You've been hiding it. Do you have any idea how hurtful that is to me? So you got this tattoo thrown at you without warning. I get it. But you never mentioned a thing. Not one word." Her frustration with him flared up, threatening to boil over. Her eyes were wide and her arms were stretched out. She had lost her words and couldn't contain the frustration he had caused her. "Jake, I- I-." When she couldn't finish her sentence, she raised her arm and slapped him in the shoulder several times. The slaps weren't hard, and they didn't even sting, so he didn't do anything to stop her. "I know magic, Jake," she finally told him, her exasperation receding. "You don't think I do, but I know some. I could have helped you with it. After months – no, years – of getting upset with me for using magic, you decide that it's okay for you? What, the great Jacob Stone is allowed to do it because he's cautious and studious, and of course everything will go okay for him because he's Jacob Stone?"

"Cassie, no, that's not it at all. I didn't want help with it. I didn't want magic. I don't trust it," he yelled, shrugging his shoulders and flailing his arms out in frustration.

"But you used it Jake. You whipped out your arm as if you had always known that it was the answer. You've known since Shangri-la that it was a possibility, and you said nothing. Did you even know for sure what would happen?" Her eyes were glassy now, and she was angry with herself when she let a tear escape down her cheek. She slid her hand across her face and wiped it away before he could react.

Jacob let out a deep breath and tried to let the tension go from his body, allowing him to lift a hand. He touched her chin and tilted her face back towards his. "Cass, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I needed time to figure it out. I couldn't tell any of you right away. I- I just- I wasn't ready for it. I don't trust magic, and then all of a sudden there was this tattoo on my arm. I didn't know how to deal with it."

Cassandra shook her head. "That's not it though, is it? You didn't know how to deal with it? Fine. But guess what Jake, I could have figured it out if you had just asked. It's not that you don't trust magic. You still don't trust me."

Jacob's eyes widened. "No, Cass, that's not true. I trust you. Of course I do." He went to reach for her again.

She pushed his hand away and took a step back. "You've never said it, not once. Three years ago you made it very clear that you didn't trust me. And I get it. I betrayed you. But since then we have worked side by side. I thought maybe we had come a long way, maybe I had earned that trust back."

"Cass, you have, don't-"

Cassie shook her head. "No. Because if I had, if you did trust me, you would have come to me with this."

Jacob buried his face in his hands and tried to figure out the right words to say. Tried to figure out how to convince her that he did trust her, and the rest of the team. But how could he do that when he had kept this secret from them?

When his pause was too long, Cassandra nodded, as if she understood, as if his silence was confirmation that he didn't trust her after all. She turned and walked away. She was stubborn, and frustrated, and stung by the man that she thought was her friend. And all Jacob Stone could do was watch her go, because he didn't have the words to convince her otherwise. Worse than that, he suspected that she was right.

Two weeks later...

Jacob stood at the top of the winding staircase and stared down at Cassandra. She was working over the table, tending to an experiment that she was doing with Jenkins. It had been almost two weeks since they had had their argument over his tattoo. Jacob ran his fingers along his arm again. For the first time in weeks, he was wearing short sleeves, leaving the marks on his arm open for everyone to see. It wasn't a secret anymore, not since the battle. But he had still felt the need to keep it hidden. Partly because he was still a skeptic of magic, and partly – mostly – because he did not want to walk around near Cassandra with a reminder of their fight exposed on his arm.

He took each step slowly, being cautious not to let her know he was there yet. It wasn't until he was at the bottom of the staircase that he shifted a foot against the floor just roughly enough to make a sound. "Cass," he said.

She jumped and turned in his direction.

"Hey Stone," she said coldly before turning back to her experiment.

Jacob swallowed, twitched his mouth and furrowed his brow. "Can I talk to you?" His voice shook slightly, even though he tried to hide it.

"You can talk," she told him without looking up. Then, in a mumble to herself, but loud enough for him to hear, "I can't guarantee that I will listen."

He walked to her side. He didn't try to turn her towards him. He didn't want to make her more mad than she already was. Instead, he asked her, "Cass, please look at me."

She paused her hands, and turned her head slightly so that he was in her peripheral vision.

"Cass, please," he said. He sighed in frustration.

She gave in and turned to face him fully. He let his pleading blue eyes lock with hers. "Cass, I don't trust people."

She tilted her head. "Really, Stone? That's how you're going to start this?"

He closed his eyes and hung his head for a second before looking back up. "Cass, I don't know how to trust people. You know that about me."

"Yes, you've made that very clear," she said, starting to turn back to her experiment.

This time he did stop her by grabbing her arm gently and pulling her away from the table to face him. "Cassie, I stopped myself from trusting all of you after what happened at the beginning. I reminded myself over and over that it just leads to hurt. But slowly, it started to happen. I trusted you all to have my back. I trusted you with my life. I trusted you to get the job done.

"But the personal stuff, secrets, I still don't know how to do that. Not with anyone. So ya, I messed up by not telling you all. I couldn't bring myself to do it, because I didn't know what you would do, or say, and I couldn't take that. I like this life, Cass, I like being a librarian. I can be _me_ , here," he said, touching his fingers to his heart. "But trust, I didn't _have_ to do that. It wasn't a part of the job. Not until-."

"Shangri-la," she finished for him.

He nodded. "I got back and I looked at this tattoo on my arm and then suddenly the job met the secrets that I was still keeping inside of me. But, instead of opening up- I shut it down, Cass. I didn't know how to do it differently."

She was staring at him now, forgetting about her work lying on the table and she looked at him more intently, wanting to give him a chance. "But you still didn't trust us with it all. Why? After everything that we have been through?"

"It has nothing to do with all of you," he said, trying to figure out how to make her understand. "I just don't trust anyone like that. I don't know how." He paused. "You remember in Oklahoma, when you and Jones stood down in the cave-in and kept the door open by telling each other truths? I don't think I could have done that." It was true that he had spent that time spilling his secrets to the shape-shifter that he thought was his Dad. But it had been the exact opposite of trust that allowed him to do that. It was a realization that he no longer cared what his father thought. "The few things I did tell you to get the job done, that was hard, Cass. I did it because it needed to be done. It wasn't easy."

"The truth never is, Jake."

He thought about it. Trusting his new friends with his life? Sure. But trust them with his darkest secrets, that was a risk he wasn't willing to take before. But now, he wanted to. He so badly wanted to. "I don't know if I ever will be able to, to be honest Cass. I don't think I have it in me to trust like that." He tucked his hands in his pockets and looked down, not wanting her to see his eyes. "So, I'm sorry I didn't say anything," his voice getting huskier. "But I don't know that I can promise it will be different next time. I bury everything too deep. It's just easier," he said with a shrug.

Seeing him like this, trying to open up and let her know what was going on inside his head, it softened her. And her voice now came out like the sweet Cassandra she usually was, instead of the one who was angered by his silence. "Jacob," she said in a soft voice. "We're friends. I want to be there for you if you have something to share. It makes life easier when you have someone to confide in. But I understand that it's hard."

Jacob stood still, trying to let her words sink in, trying to let her break down his walls. He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath before crossing his arms in a protective shrug. "Cass, I know you want to be there for me. I just- I don't know how to let you."

Cassandra reached her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. He gave in to this by releasing his own arms and wrapping them around her waist. "Jake, I want you to trust me, but we don't have to start with you telling me some deep dark secret that you have been holding onto. I have an idea."

She grabbed hold of his hand and he let her lead him upstairs and down a few corridors, making twists and turns until they arrived at the room she was looking for. When she opened it up, he looked around at the variety of artifacts lying in the cases and he wondered what she was looking for.

She walked over to the case that held Pan's flute. He looked down at it and then up at her, questioning what she planned to do.

Cassandra looked down at the flute and began to talk to it. "Hello, Pan's flute," she said in her quirky, soft voice.

The flute floated up from its velvet bed to the height of Jacob's head. It moved towards him in a dance. A note escaped from it.

"Whoa, Cassandra, stop," Jacob said, reaching up to his ears to cover them. "He looked at her with a furrowed brow. "The last time this played, it put us all to sleep," he growled. "What are you doing?"

Cassandra smiled at him and reached up to take his hands from his ears. "Jake," she said, holding his hands down to his sides. "Trust me. Please."

Jacob looked Cassandra in the eyes and nodded.

Cassandra looked back at the flute. "Go on," she told it.

The flute played a few more notes, paused, and then continued.

"It's talking to us," he said, suddenly understanding. He tore his eyes away from the flute and looked at her.

She nodded."When it's intention is to communicate, it tries to do just that. It only puts you to sleep, if the song it plays is meant to do so."

He nodded, and then let a smile spread across his face. His blue eyes glimmered as he watched the flute play its tune. "It's a beautiful sound," he said. Pan's flute bobbed towards him and ruffled his hair affectionately. He laughed and ducked away. "Thanks, Cass." He looked back at the flute and watched it dance around and play its tune as he smiled at the playfulness of it all.

"Jake, let me show you some of the things I can do."

He looked at her and wiped the smile from his face. "Cass-."

She held up a hand. "Nothing big, Jake. Just some of the small things I can do with magic. Just watch me. Learn to trust magic."

"Why Cass? Why is it so important to you that I trust magic. There are other ways-"

She took a step closer to him and put a finger on his lips. "Because it's the only way you are ever going to trust _me_ , Jake. And I want you to trust me."

He stared down at her eyes, a desperate plea escaping them. He was suddenly very aware that he was still holding her other hand.

Cassandra didn't notice the dilation in his eyes as he stared at her because she had glanced away for a second to look back at the flute. "You don't have to tell me anything, Jake. You don't have to share your secrets yet. Just, trust me with this," she said, turning back to him. She was startled to find his face was just inches from hers now. He broke away from her gaze to glance down at her lips.

Whatever she was going to say next caught in her throat as she processed the hungry stare he was giving her now. A part of her wanted to step back from this. Her intention had been to get Jacob to trust her. She hadn't planned this. Hadn't worked this into the calculation of it all. His hand tightened around hers and she found herself stepping forwards instead of back.

"Thank you, Cass," he whispered. "For showing me Pan's flutes." He took his free hand and brushed a strand of hair out of her face.

Cassandra nodded, and she meant to reply, but she was stopped when his lips came down and met hers in a soft kiss. He waited a moment, his lips lingering on hers, waiting to see if she would pull away. Instead, she kissed him back, and he took that as permission to deepen it, his mouth exploring hers. He released her hand and brought both of his up to her head and let his fingers tangle in her red hair.

It only lasted a few seconds before he pulled away and let his hand fall again to hers, entwining their fingers.

Cassandra was at a loss for words and turned back to Pan's flutes, as if looking for an answer there. The flute bobbed side to side playfully and then began to back up, as if giving the pair space.

"Show me what you can do, Cass," he said to her. She looked back at him, his expression now welcoming, and his blue eyes staring right into hers. "Show me magic. I trust you."


End file.
